Long Distance Thanksgiving Ideas That Are Not a Video Call
What works better than a video call into a loud room, in both directions, with long distance thanksgiving ideas for the household and for the person alone.
- Ask one specific question instead of how is it going. A room of people cannot answer a general question, and one person can answer a precise one.
- Send something that arrives before the day rather than on it. A parcel arriving on Thanksgiving itself misses the point.
- Ask a specific question rather than how was your day. What did you cook produces a real conversation.
- If somebody is alone on the day, invite them to yours rather than checking on them. Checking is not an invitation.
- Record something. A voice message from a room full of people is better than a call nobody could hear.
The default answer to being apart at Thanksgiving is a video call, and the video call is usually the worst part of the day for the person on the far end of it.
They are held up on a phone in a loud room. Everyone shouts hello. Somebody carries them past the kitchen. Then the phone is put on a counter facing a wall and they listen to a party they are not at for eleven minutes before somebody remembers to say goodbye.
There are better options and none of them are more effort.
Call before, not during
The single best change. Ring the day before, or on the morning, when the person you are calling can actually talk and you can actually hear.
That is a conversation. The mid-meal call is a performance of inclusion, and both sides know it while it is happening.
If there is going to be a during-the-meal moment, keep it to ninety seconds and let it be a wave rather than an attempt at conversation. Announced in advance, brief, and then over.
Send something that arrives early
The instinct is to have a parcel land on the day itself. That is right for a birthday and wrong here, because on Thanksgiving the person is either cooking, eating, or out.
Aim for two or three days before. Something they can use on the day is even better: a bottle to open, a dessert they do not have to make, something for the table. That turns your gift into part of the occasion rather than an interruption to it.
For the traditional host gift version of this, Thanksgiving gift ideas covers the in-person case.
Ask a better question
How was your day gets fine. Every time.
What did you cook gets fifteen minutes, because everybody wants to talk about the food, especially the parts that went wrong. Who came, and where did they sit works too. Did anyone say anything they should not have is the highest-yield question in the English language on this particular day.
For a parent or grandparent, ask about a specific past Thanksgiving rather than in general. What did your mother make gets a real answer.
If you are the one away
Two things worth doing rather than waiting.
Make one thing. Even alone, even badly. Cooking one dish from the family version is a completely different day from ordering food, and I say that as somebody who spent one Thanksgiving abroad eating a sandwich and feeling sorry about it, and the following year made a mediocre pie and felt fine.
And find other people. There are always others in the same position, and somebody has to be the one who says come over. Being that person is much better than being the one waiting to be asked.
If somebody you know is alone
Invite them. Do not check on them.
Checking in is kind and it is not an invitation, and the person receiving it has to either ask to be included or reassure you they are fine. Almost all of them will choose to reassure you.
So say: come to ours, we eat at four, there is room. If they say no, that is a real answer and you can leave it. The point is that the decision was made available.
That extends to colleagues, neighbors and anybody new to the country, for whom this is a day when everything closes and nobody explains why. There is more on the general shape of this in what to gift when you cannot be there.
Cook the same thing
The trick that costs nothing and works better than any technology.
Agree on one dish and both make it, wherever you each are. The specific family recipe, the one that only exists in that household. Then compare notes afterward about what went wrong, because something always does.
It sounds thin written down and it is the closest thing to being in the same room that I have found. You spend the afternoon doing the same thing at the same time, and the conversation afterward has an actual subject.
For a family with an older relative who owns the recipe, ask them to talk you through it on the phone while you do it. That call is worth more than the one during the meal and it usually lasts longer.
Record instead of broadcasting
The thing that works far better than a live call: a recording.
Get everyone at the table to say one sentence into a phone, one at a time, quietly. Send it afterward. It takes four minutes, the person on the other end can hear every word, and they can play it again, which is the part a live call can never offer.
The same instinct is why a song about the family lands at a distance. That is what we make at Ditty City so treat it as an interested recommendation, and custom song for parents is the version with the reasoning.
For the table itself
If somebody is missing, name them out loud. A sentence at the start of the meal, said plainly. It is a small thing and everybody in the room registers it.
Then send them a photograph of the table before you eat, not after. The empty-plate version is a different message from the full-table one.
The celebration ideas hub has more on distance, and Thanksgiving table activities covers the day itself.
Frequently asked questions
How do you include family who cannot come to Thanksgiving?
Call before the meal, not during it. A video call into a full dining room means being held up on a phone in a loud room and then propped facing a wall. If you want a moment during the meal, keep it to ninety seconds and treat it as a wave rather than a conversation.
When should a Thanksgiving gift arrive?
Two or three days before, not on the day, because on the day itself the person is cooking, eating or out. Something they can use on the day is better still: a bottle to open, a dessert they do not have to make, something for the table.
What should I ask someone I am calling on Thanksgiving?
What did you cook, which gets fifteen minutes because everybody wants to talk about the food and especially about what went wrong. Who came and where did they sit works too. How was your day gets fine, every single time.
What do you do if you are alone on Thanksgiving?
Make one thing, even badly, because cooking one dish from the family version produces a completely different day from ordering food. And find other people, since there are always others in the same position and somebody has to be the one who says come over.
How do I support someone spending Thanksgiving alone?
Invite them rather than checking on them. Checking in is kind but it is not an invitation, and the person then has to either ask to be included or reassure you they are fine, and almost everyone chooses to reassure you. Say come to ours, we eat at four, there is room.