What to Write in a Valentine's Card Without Cringing
Why a valentines card does not need a declaration, what to write instead at each stage of a relationship, and what to do if you cannot write sincerely.
- Notice something rather than announce something. One observed detail carries further than any sentence beginning with the words I love.
- Notice something rather than announce something. I like the way you talk to the dog beats a paragraph about how much someone means to you.
- Match the temperature of the relationship. A six week old relationship and a twenty year marriage need completely different cards, and overshooting is the common error.
- If you cannot write sincerely, write specifically. The specific version reads as more affectionate anyway.
Valentine's cards are the hardest of all the card formats to write, and the reason is structural. The occasion appears to demand a declaration, and most people cannot write a declaration without hearing it in somebody else's voice.
The way out is that a declaration is not required. An observation does the same work and is far easier to write honestly.
Notice something instead of announcing something
Compare these two.
You mean the world to me and I do not know what I would do without you.
I like the way you talk to the dog when you think nobody is listening.
The second is a better Valentine's card. It is specific, it is true, it could only have been written about one person, and it says the same thing without asking anybody to perform. If the occasion is Valentine's Day, Valentine's day at home goes into what changes. There is more on this in Valentine's on a budget.
That is the whole technique.
For a long relationship
The risk here is the card sounding like an anniversary of nothing in particular. Ground it in the present.
- Fourteen years and you still make the tea wrong on purpose. Happy Valentine's Day.
- I would still pick you out of a room. Even this room.
- I like our evenings. That is the whole card.
- You are the only person I want to be bored with.
- Thank you for February, and for all the other months.
For a new relationship
The error is overshooting. A card that is warmer than the relationship makes the next fortnight awkward for both people.
Aim slightly under and be specific.
- I am very glad this is happening.
- Six weeks in and I am already looking forward to Thursday. Happy Valentine's Day.
- I did not expect this year to go like this. Extremely pleased that it has.
- This is a Valentine's card, which is a lot for eight weeks, so I have kept it short. I like you.
That last one is doing something useful: acknowledging the awkwardness is charming and removes it.
For someone you have not told yet
Be clear rather than mysterious. Anonymous cards are a genre, and in practice they mostly create confusion.
- I have been meaning to say this for a while. I would like to take you out. No pressure at all if not.
- This is from me, which you probably guessed. Would you like to get dinner?
Give them an easy exit in the wording. It makes a yes more likely, not less.
Funny
Humour works well here, particularly in a long relationship where a straight declaration would feel unlike you.
- I love you more than I love complaining about the bins, which is saying something.
- Roses are red, this card was 4.99, you could do better, but frankly so could I.
- Happy Valentine's Day to the person who has never once replaced the toilet roll.
- I would take a bullet for you. Not a big one.
The rule is that the joke needs affection underneath it. A joke on its own reads as deflection, which on this particular day gets noticed.
What to avoid
- Song lyrics. Everybody can tell, and it substitutes somebody else's specificity for yours.
- Anything about completing you. It has been used too often to carry meaning.
- A card that is only a joke in a relationship where the other person was hoping for something sincere.
- Something written to be photographed. A card written for an audience is a card written for the wrong person.
- The unsigned card in an established relationship. Mysterious at nineteen, irritating at forty.
If you find sincerity impossible
Some people genuinely cannot write it, and forcing it produces something that reads as insincere precisely because it was forced.
The fallback is to be specific instead. List three things.
Things I like: you singing in the car, you being unreasonable about the thermostat, you at about eleven on a Sunday morning. Happy Valentine's Day.
That is a good card, and nobody had to declare anything.
Beyond the card
The details that make a Valentine's card work are exactly the ones that make a song about them work: the habits, the phrases, the specific evenings. It is the same material, and a song is the version that can be played rather than filed.
Our guides to a custom Valentine's love song and a Valentine's song for him cover what to put in one, and Valentine's gifts for her and for him cover the rest of the day.
For the other occasions, our what to write hub covers the whole category.
Frequently asked questions
What do you write in a Valentine's card?
Notice something rather than announce something. A specific observation about them does the same job as a declaration and is far easier to write honestly, which is why it reads as more affectionate.
What do you write in a Valentine's card for a new relationship?
Aim slightly under rather than over. A card warmer than the relationship makes the next fortnight awkward. Acknowledging that a Valentine's card is a lot for eight weeks is charming and removes the awkwardness.
What do you write to someone you like but have not told?
Be clear rather than mysterious, and give them an easy exit in the wording. No pressure at all if not makes a yes more likely, and anonymous cards mostly create confusion rather than intrigue.
Are funny Valentine's cards a good idea?
Yes, particularly in a long relationship where a straight declaration would sound unlike you. The joke needs affection underneath it, because a joke on its own reads as deflection and gets noticed on that day.
What if you cannot write anything sincere?
Be specific instead. List three things you like about them: the singing in the car, the thermostat argument, them at eleven on a Sunday. That is a complete card and nobody had to declare anything.