What to Write in a Thinking of You Card
How to start a thinking of you card when nothing prompted it, what to say to someone going through something hard, and why releasing them from replying matters.
- Name what made you think of them. The trigger is the whole message, and without it the card reads as a duty rather than a moment.
- Explain why you thought of them. The trigger is the content: a song, a road, a smell, a thing somebody said. Without it the card is a greeting.
- Release them from replying. People going through something difficult experience unanswered post as another task.
- Do not ask for an update. A thinking of you card that requests news is a request wearing a gift's clothes.
A card that arrives for no reason is the most powerful one in the whole category, and the reason is simple: nothing obliged you to send it.
A birthday card proves you own a calendar. A thinking of you card proves somebody crossed your mind and you did something about it.
That is also why they are hard to start. There is no occasion to open with.
Open by saying there is no occasion
The easiest opening is to name the thing that makes the card unusual.
- No reason for this card. You were on my mind.
- This is not for anything. I just thought of you.
- I saw this and thought of you, so here it is.
- No news, no occasion, no reply needed.
That removes the reader's first question, which is always what is this about.
Then say why you thought of them
This is the content of the card. Without it you have sent a greeting.
The trigger is usually small and that is fine. A song, a road, a smell, a phrase somebody used, a program you both watched.
- I drove past the old flat last week and thought about the year we lived there.
- Somebody at work said exactly the thing you always say and I laughed out loud on my own.
- I heard that song from the car journey and it took me straight back.
- I made your soup recipe and it was not as good. It never is.
The smallness is the point. A grand reason would have produced a phone call.
For someone going through a hard time
This is where these cards do the most work: an illness, a divorce, a job loss, a long stretch of something.
The rules are the same as a sympathy card. Be specific, offer something concrete, and remove the obligation to reply.
- I know this is a long one. I am not going anywhere.
- No need to reply to this. I just wanted you to know I am thinking about you.
- I have been thinking about you every day. I am dropping food round Thursday, you do not have to be in.
- I do not have anything useful to say and I did not want that to stop me writing.
What to avoid: advice, silver linings, and any version of everything happens for a reason. Our guide to what to write in a get well card covers the illness case in full, and gifts for someone grieving covers bereavement.
For someone you have lost touch with
The barrier is embarrassment about the gap. Name it and move past it in one sentence.
- It has been far too long and that is entirely my fault. I have been thinking about you.
- Nine years is ridiculous. How are you.
- I have thought about writing this for a long time and kept not doing it. So, hello.
Do not over-apologize. One line about the gap is enough, and three paragraphs of apology makes the reply harder to write.
For a family member far away
- The kids asked about you last week, so here is a card.
- We are all fine here and I still think about you most days.
- Nothing to report. Just wanted the post to bring you something that was not a bill.
That last line works on almost anybody.
Release them from replying
One sentence, and it matters more than anything else you write.
- No reply needed.
- Do not write back, this is not that kind of card.
- You do not owe me an answer.
Somebody going through a hard time experiences unanswered post as another task. Saying it out loud converts the card from an obligation into a gift.
What not to do
Do not ask for an update. A thinking of you card that asks for news is a request wearing a gift's clothes.
Do not include a favor. Not even a small one.
Do not make it about the gap in contact beyond one line.
Do not send it and then follow up. Let it land on its own.
Short versions
No occasion. I drove past your old road on Tuesday and thought about the summer we painted that kitchen. Hope you are alright. No need to reply.
This card is for nothing at all. I heard your song on the radio. Thinking of you.
When you want to send more than a card
The same trigger that made you write the card is the material for something bigger. [A song about them](/create?occasion=just because), built out of the specific things you remember, is the no-occasion gift at a larger scale, and it works for exactly the same reason: nothing required you to do it.
Our guides to just because gift ideas and a custom friendship song cover the rest.
For every other occasion, our what to write hub has the wording.
Frequently asked questions
What do you write in a thinking of you card?
Say there is no occasion, say why you thought of them, and release them from replying. The reason is usually something small like a song or a road, and the smallness is the point.
What do you write to someone going through a hard time?
Be specific, offer something with a date on it, and say no reply is needed. Avoid advice and silver linings. I do not have anything useful to say and I did not want that to stop me writing is a good opening.
How do you write to someone you have lost touch with?
Name the gap in one sentence and move past it. Do not over-apologize, because three paragraphs of apology makes the reply harder to write than the silence was.
Should you ask for a reply in a thinking of you card?
No. A card that asks for news is a request wearing a gift's clothes. Saying explicitly that no reply is needed is what turns the card from an obligation into a gift.
Why is a card with no occasion more meaningful?
Because nothing obliged you to send it. A birthday card proves you own a calendar; a card for no reason proves somebody crossed your mind and you acted on it.