First Father's Day Gift: What Actually Helps
What works as a first father's day gift for a man who has not slept properly since the birth, what to avoid entirely, and why this one is usually for both parents.
- Give him time rather than an object. A few uninterrupted hours in the first year is worth more than anything that has to be unwrapped.
- Anything with the baby in it beats anything with a joke on it. Prints, handprints, the name, the date, and a recording of the noise she makes at four months.
- This gift is usually really for both parents, and the new mother is the person most often left out of the day entirely.
- Buy nothing that needs assembling and nothing that requires him to be somewhere at a fixed time. Nothing in the first year runs to a timetable.
A first Father's Day usually arrives somewhere between four and ten months after the birth, which means it lands on a man who has not had an unbroken night since before the shops started selling the cards.
That timing decides everything about what works. He is not short of enthusiasm. He is short of sleep, time and any part of the day that belongs to him.
What he actually needs at four months in
- A block of time that is genuinely his. Two hours where nobody can reach him and nothing is his responsibility. Say the hours out loud and then cover them properly, because a vague offer is not a gift.
- A morning of sleep. The most wanted and least given present of the whole first year.
- Food that arrives cooked. New parents eat badly for months. A delivery, a batch of real meals in the freezer, or somebody bringing dinner round and then leaving.
- The kit he has not thought of. A better carrier if the one they have hurts his back. A bag that does not announce itself as baby equipment. A flask that keeps coffee hot for three hours, because his coffee is now cold every single time.
- Nothing that needs assembling. He has assembled enough this year.
Anything with the baby in it beats anything with a joke on it
This is the one year where the sentimental option is also the obvious option, and it works.
Prints of the two of them, chosen properly rather than whatever is nearest on the phone. A handprint or a footprint, taken at the actual age. The name and the date on something he carries every day: a keyring, a wallet insert, a watch strap. A short recording of the noise she makes at four months, which will be gone by seven and which almost nobody thinks to capture.
New baby gift ideas covers the wider version of this, and a custom lullaby with the baby's name in it is the one that ends up being played every night rather than looked at once.
The fuller version is a song about the two of them: the birth, the drive home at fifteen miles an hour, the 3am shift he does without being asked, her name sung out loud. A first Father's Day is the one date in the calendar where a grown man cries at a song and nobody in the room is remotely surprised.
The mother is the person most often left out
Say this plainly, because it goes wrong every year.
A first Father's Day is frequently organized by the mother. She buys the card, writes it as though it came from a baby who cannot hold a pen, arranges the photograph, and receives nothing. She is also, in most households, several months into a physical recovery that people stopped asking about around week six.
If you are buying for the family from outside it, buy for both of them. If you are the new father, this is the useful instruction: the gift that lands hardest on your first Father's Day is one you give rather than one you get. Take the night feeds. Book her the two hours. Hand her the thing she said she missed. Gifts for a new mom has the specifics, and gifts for new parents covers the pair of them together.
The one he will not ask for
Nobody tells new fathers anything except jokes about diapers and sleep. He will not ask to be told he is doing it right, and he is unlikely to raise it at all.
One sentence naming something specific he does well is worth more than whatever it is attached to. The way he holds her when she is screaming. The fact that he learned the routine faster than anyone expected. That he gets up first at weekends without a conversation about it.
What to skip
Anything with New Dad printed on it in a novelty font. Grooming sets. Anything built on the joke that he is useless with a baby, which is a very old joke and was never funny to the person it was about.
Big days out are also worth avoiding, because a day out with a small baby is a logistics exercise wearing a present's clothes. So are surprises that need him somewhere at a fixed time. Nothing in the first year runs to a timetable.
If the first year has been hard
Not every first Father's Day is a happy one. Some men are marking it after a stay on a neonatal unit, a difficult birth, a loss earlier on, or months of a partner being genuinely unwell. Some are doing the whole thing on their own.
If that is the household, keep the gift small and the effort large. Turn up, take the baby, do the washing up, and do not ask him to perform a good mood for a photograph. The day should not become another item on his list.
What to write
He will keep this card longer than any other card he is given, because it is the first one.
Write it as yourself rather than as the baby. A line about the specific thing he does at 3am, a line about what he was like in the first week, and one sentence about the father he is turning out to be. That last one is the sentence he reads twice. What to write in a Father's Day card has more if you get stuck halfway.
Start the thing you will keep doing
The habit worth beginning on a first Father's Day is an annual one: the same photograph, in the same place, in the same month, every year. It costs nothing now and is worth more with every year that passes.
The rest of the milestone gifts hub works the same way, one first at a time.
Frequently asked questions
What do you get a dad for his first Father's Day?
Time, sleep and food, then something with the baby in it. Two hours that are genuinely his, a morning of sleep, meals that arrive cooked, and a print or a handprint taken at the actual age. Skip anything that needs assembling, because he has assembled enough this year.
Should the mother get anything on the first Father's Day?
Usually yes, and she is the person most often forgotten. She generally buys the card, writes it as though it came from the baby and receives nothing, while still being months into a recovery people stopped asking about. If you are buying from outside the household, buy for both.
What is a sentimental first Father's Day gift?
Anything that fixes the baby at this exact age. A handprint or footprint, the name and date on something he carries, a print of the two of them, a recording of the noise she makes at four months, or a song about the birth and the 3am shift.
What should you avoid buying a new dad?
Novelty items with New Dad printed on them, grooming sets, and anything built on the joke that he is useless with a baby. Also avoid big days out and fixed appointment times, because nothing in the first year runs to a timetable.
What do you write in a first Father's Day card?
Write it as yourself, not as the baby. One line about the specific thing he does at 3am, one about what he was like in the first week, and one sentence about the father he is turning out to be. He will keep this card longer than any other.